Magic wand anyone?

July 19, 2010

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Written by The Spitfire

3259-Magic_wand_svg..jpgI needed somewhere to come and vent about this. I am doing better, due to the shots, but I have had a set back due to my period. My period is the albatross around my neck always. It takes me from 60 to 5.

I am really sad today and need somewhere to come and let it out. I just watched the movie on Coco Chanel. I feel so inspired and so sad all in one. I always had the dream of becoming so successful and really being awesome at whatever I did. I cared more about that then a man or marriage. I have always wanted to love what I do as far as a job is concerned. I have found that in my job.

I love designing jewelry and know it is my passion and I am good at it. I am great at it. I look at other jewelers designs and they are one trick ponies. I can create something out of anything. But I am too sick to get entangled in the business aspect and I can’t formulate a business plan.

I got together with a friend the other night who is a multi millionaire. He had one good idea on top of another for me. He owns his own company and has 30 employees and he doesn’t deal with them, he has hired someone else too. He told me I need a business plan, I need to hire employees, I need to decide if this is a hobby or a business. WELL, he knows I am sick but doesn’t get it. How could he? I look great and we were in a bustling restaurant, which I recommended.

For 2 days now, I have been so down. That is what I would love to do is hire employees and have a serious business. I am a “one woman show” and I do it all. WHY? I can’t afford to hire people and I don’t have the energy to train someone. But, I do know that I have to change some things. I do hire people during Christmas and I have an assistant at that time, but that isn’t enough.

I hate being ill. When you have so much to give. When there is so much in you that you want to do. I am also a good cook and I can make great cakes. I would like to start a gluten free wedding cake business along with an ice cream parlor for those that are milk intolerant. Nothing like that exists here in Philadelphia. So, I sit and dream. I dream of all that I want to do. I need to marry rich. If I married rich, then I could make all of my dreams and business desires work. My jewelry business does work, but it’s slow and depends on my illness. The economy is killing me. I would never marry for money and I tend to go after those that are broke and super smart. Or, are they not so smart because they are broke??

I know so many other people must be able to identify with my feelings. With having so much to give and being unable. Or being able and then suddenly being unable, due to the unpredictability of this illness. I have this brain that chirps constantly with ideas, so much so I can’t sleep. And yet a body that is unable to keep up. I am stuck in this skin.

Thanks for listening. I really needed to get that out. I think I will go cry now and throw a pillow up against a wall.

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