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So, how disabled am I ???

Blog entry posted by lnester7, Jun 25, 2013.

Every time I think I understand the gravity of my situation, something surprise me.

So I went to the rec center today. I sat on the only bike that has a back rest so I can recline and be comfortable. About minute 2 or 3 a very disabled man walks in, his feet were twisted, it was like if his leg were a candy cane and the feet were to the outside, he kinda dragged on his feet. He puts the walker/scooter next to me and grabs himself hanging from arms from machine to machine.

At this point I feel selfconcious and want to offer him the machine, but at that point he pulled himself to the very uncomfortable bike and start pedaling. "I am like how can this guy pedal. Would it be rude to ask him if he want this bike?". At this point guy is going faster than me. And I am like WHAAAAAAT????? o_O .

I don't feel like such a B%%%% anymore I just feel plain competitive, I am like I should be able to do better. Please do not even post to tell me about this sentence, I know, Not a rational thought specially coming out of a crash and against a poor very disabled guy, but I am just plain mad about my situation at this point.

Is hard to explain but in my irrational head I HAD TO DO BETTER than him, it was like my disability self image depended on it. I tried to keep my HR under 115 (my AT) so the guy was just going faster, I started yawning and just looking/feeling very bad. I couldn't keep my HR under 115 no matter at this point how slow I try to go. I knew it was time to stop and give up.

I will not tell you how that made me feel. It just makes me question that 7% I am so proud of in the energy scale.:mad:
  1. lnester7
    I am still recovering from my stunt :( This is pretty pathetic. I bet you guy is back on bike and going about his life.
  2. Gavman
    Yeah but I bet you could feel helpless better than him? You win! Life makes one feel pathetic at times huh.
    lnester7 likes this.
  3. taniaaust1
    " a very disabled man walks in, his feet were twisted, it was like if his leg were a candy cane and the feet were to the outside, he kinda dragged on his feet." The poor guy had talipes (a club foot) which hadnt been corrected properly. My youngest has talipes as part of her disability (she was born with her feet twisted so much that her soles faced the upwards and all completely twisted around so her toes were facing behind her).. 3 surgeries were needed along with splints day and night when she wasnt in plaster up to her hips, it can be a very hard issue to fix in severe cases.. she's had her ankles pinned in a certain way due to it so cant bend one. In my daughters case it appeared as part of caudal regression syndrome which is similar to spina bifida, the caudal regression syndrome due to probably my MTHFR polymorphism causing a lack of enough folate in my body during pregnancy but talipes can happen alone in one foot or both may be affected, with or without other coexisting issues too. LOL @ hearing of your competitive nature with this.
    lnester7 likes this.
  4. Hugocfs
    You go girl, but NOT THAT MUCH! Now I know you are crazier than me for sure, lol.
    lnester7 likes this.