I'm so sorry you're going through this.
The technique that works for me is to ask myself the question:
What would help me feel safe right now?
I then do that. Whether it's as insignificant as watching a movie or as disrupting as cancelling next week's plans, I do it. Because I've decided that nothing is more important than my health, and a key factor to healing that I've found personally is feeling safe in my world.
Dental work has been life-threateningly unsafe for me in the past as well as a traumatic experience, with horrors I won't go into for your sake. Needless to say, I find it very difficult to get to the dentist, but I have abscesses that must be addressed.
I spent about 7 months trying to get everything in order for the first procedure, leisurely addressing it as I felt able to. I went with a more expensive dentist that would be physically safer for my sensitivities. I had sensitivity tests done. I had osteopathic work done to help ease the procedure's effects on me. I saw a naturopath who provided adaptogenic herbs that lower stress and other things to help my teeth as we waited.
The first procedure was much more traumatizing than I was prepared for, both physically and emotionally.
But my health improved.
I'm now in the process of preparing for the next.
I think the most important thing is to go gently on yourself. I was told I should have the second procedure 5 weeks after the first, even though my dentist wanted to do sooner because the cavities are so deep (all the way to the nerve). Instead, after a couple week's recovery I scheduled it for over 7 weeks later. Plus I scheduled all sorts of supportive things around it, including:
- Seeing my cranial osteopath 2 days after (he's incredible at relieving trauma)
- Getting a massage a few days beforehand
- Planning on attending a Cuddle Party
- Checking out lots of DVDs from the library
- Informing the people around me that I expect to be emotionally vulnerable/traumatized around that time so they can be ready to help
- Defending my schedule of any obligations during the expected recovery time period (several weeks)
Honestly, I teared up a few times while organizing this, because each time I began to feel panicked I'd stop and examine why and change things around to feel better instead of ignoring my anxieties and soldiering through. I'm listening to the vulnerable place those come from and surrounding me with the things that personally help me feel safe and confident that everything's okay. I'm also making sure there's an absence of other things that can make me feel unsafe, like obligations.
Your "safe" things will probably be different from my "safe" things. And that's okay, the key is you find what works for you, and embrace that.
I personally made the decision that I'd rather risk a bit more tooth decay than force myself to go to the dentist before I was emotionally ready. The appointment is now over 2 weeks away, and I'm ready. It's still going to be really hard, but I feel confident that the safety net I've created for myself will make this experience and recovery more gentle than the previous one.
I also use breathing techniques, journaling, catharsis exercises, and other such things to help manage my emotional state. Manually winding down the nervous system often addresses the bulk of the issue, but I also found it's extremely important to learn how to comfort myself in the same manner I would a child or a close friend. It actually took a few years before I was any good at it, and I'm still refining my skills.
Sorting this stuff out is a very complex process. Taking pills may help temporarily sometimes, but as you can see they aren't always sufficient. Dealing with the root (no pun intended) of things is difficult, but caring for myself by nurturing/comforting/accommodating the anxieties and waiting until I'm ready has made such an improvement I now have people wanting to be around me just because, as they say, "you feel so grounded".
Wishing you all the best. Take care. *hugs*
